Tactless
by pyr0technic
Summary: Phoenix breaks some important news to Apollo. "Okay, so… Thalassa Gramarye's your biological mom. That's the news. Anyway, see ya later!" He slammed the gas until the car was out of sight. "Wait, does Mr. Wright even have a driver's license?" "I'm pretty sure he doesn't." [crackfic. office inspired scene from ep 'the duel'.]


The Wright Anything Agency usually went through a cycle every year. There would be a series of life-changing murder cases that came one after another for months on end, and then periods of zero business in which Trucy was basically the only major source of income.

After the events of the last case (as Phoenix liked to call it, Turnabout Revolution), the office was pleasantly surprised to find out in the very least, at least their Christmas holidays would not be plagued by any of the infamous life-changing cases.

"You know, Boss, don't take this offensively, but our office isn't exactly the best venue for parties. I mean, it's not exactly a cluttered mess but…"

"But it kind of is," Apollo cut in, shrugging. He passed Athena, Phoenix, and Trucy casually, holding a box filled with fairy lights.

"Well we've been a little short on firepower lately," Phoenix quipped, folding his arms and sending a light exasperated look in his direction.

Apollo pulled a defeated face but resumed his job of putting up the fairy lights on the same old plastic tree they brought out each year. They would put up all of the decorations except for the star, which Phoenix claimed was Pearl's job.

"So everything else is… mostly set, then? Food, and drinks and… whatnot?" Phoenix said, looking to Athena, who was apparently in charge of these things.

"Yep! Ms. Fey is in the kitchen right now setting it all up. Or, I think so."

"And hopefully not eating anything yet, I'd hope!" Phoenix exclaimed loudly, hoping that Maya would catch the gist.

"No promises!" came the response from Maya.

"I honestly don't know why I try," Phoenix muttered.

Ignoring the previous exchange, Athena shuffled closer to Phoenix, motioning for him to closer. "Say, Boss, maybe we should give Apollo a break. He's back only for a couple days before he goes to Khura'in again, right?"

Phoenix sighed. "You're right." He walked over to the Christmas tree and took over the job of hanging up the lights, telling the younger lawyer to take some time off.

Soon after the guests started coming in; Edgeworth and Franziska, followed by Simon, Klavier, Ema, and a few others. There was light, breezy chatter and Trucy had turned on some Christmas music. It seemed all was going well and everyone was having a good time.

So naturally, something had to go wrong.

"So, I hear Mr. Justice has made quite a name for himself," Edgeworth said as he sipped some tea from his cup.

"Definitely!" Athena nodded her head vigorously. "I message him all the time and he told me he's got a never-ending list of clients! Though that might be because he's the only defense attorney in the country right now…"

"Still, Polly sure is strong for being able to be there on his own! Without us, I mean," Trucy added with a sly grin.

"That's true, but he has Prosecutor Sadhmadhi, I guess. But the poor guy must still be dealing with a lot, especially after everything with Dhurke." Athena's face fell a bit.

"I hope he's doing better," Edgeworth offered, seeing that both Athena and Trucy appeared quite worried. He was rather tactless when it came to these things, though, so he desperately tried to scan the room for Phoenix, or… someone, at least. Where had Franziska gone, anyway?

It seemed the cards were in his favor once, for Phoenix spotted Edgeworth floundering and, after suppressing a chuckle, came to join him on the couch opposing Athena and Trucy.

"It's okay, though!" Trucy affirmed with a determined face. "After all, he said he's looking into the whereabouts of his birth mother! I think it gives him something to keep going with."

"I hope it all works out for him," Athena said, smiling.

"Indeed," added Edgeworth.

They all waited for Phoenix to speak.

"Um, Daddy? What's that weird face you're making?" Trucy asked.

Phoenix's face was frozen in place with a slight smile and eyes the size of saucers. "What weird face? I'm not making a weird face."

"You definitely are, Boss," Athena added, seemingly concerned.

"Well, what is it? Spit it out, Wright," Edgeworth said.

"Yeah, what's the matter? Are you that shocked that Polly would want to find his birth mother? I thought he told everyone about that!" Trucy said.

Athena nodded. "He sure did. Me, Mr. Edgeworth, the boss, and Datz were all there."

"Yeah, I remember that conversation… ha…haha…" Phoenix said robotically.

"This is odd behavior, Wright, even for you. If Justice wants to find his birth mother, what's the issue?" Edgeworth queried.

"It's not an issue!" Phoenix replied, voice oddly high pitched.

"Then what is it?" Athena pressed.

"Yeah, Daddy! Don't you wanna support Polly?"

"Don't make me whip the mood matrix out!"

Phoenix blinked. "Wait, why are you all being so extra about this—"

"Tell us!" Trucy jumped out of her chair, sticking her face inches away from her father's.

"Look, it's nothing!" Phoenix exclaimed. "It's not a big deal, it's just that…"

Athena, Trucy, and Edgeworth were all staring at him now, and Phoenix wondered why and when this got so out of hand. Jingle Bells played in the background.

"Uh basically Thalassa Gramarye is Apollo's birth mother and I wanted to say something kinda but he was already going through a lot with that case in Khura'in with Dhurke and then the whole Divination Seance with his birth father, God that was traumatizing, and yeah I don't know."

For some odd reason, the song had stopped playing the moment Phoenix opened his mouth. Everyone in the room had heard Phoenix. There was a pin drop silence that followed for at least the next twenty seconds, while everyone simply stared.

"Hey, guys!" Apollo entered the office, closing the door shut behind him and dusting off the light snow that had fallen onto his shoulders. He realized it was quiet, and laughed nervously. "Wow, everything okay in here?"

"When did you leave?" Trucy asked, wide-eyed and apparently still processing the situation.

"Oh, I had a quick work call," Apollo answered. "I have a few people helping me with the whole search thing I told you guys about." He gave a knowing look to Athena, Trucy, and Mr. Wright; assuming that they were the only three who knew.

"Wait, hold on a second, dude." Larry stood up from his corner of the room, beer bottle in hand. "So you don't know?"

"Know what?" Apollo repeated blankly.

"No," Edgeworth said, standing up, making his way over to Larry.

"Wait, know what?" Apollo tried again.

Larry made a disbelieving face. "Know that your—"

"Larry," Edgeworth cut in, taking away his beer.

"What are you doing, man!?" Larry exclaimed.

"How about we just…" Edgeworth guided the orange suit-clad man into the storage closet located at the back. "Wright, how about you join us?"

"Apollo, my man! He's—"

"Inside we go," Edgeworth interrupted again, pushing the man inside.

Phoenix quickly made his way inside, and the door shut after the three of them were all inside.

Outside, everyone, having at least a small sense of tact, resumed awkward light chatter. Athena took to dragging Apollo aside and making obvious forced conversation with him. Trucy excused herself to the washroom.

Inside, Larry and Phoenix were receiving the scolding of their life.

"Larry, are you insane? Why would you think it's appropriate to reveal such sensitive information in such an… an idiotic way to that boy?"

"None of you guys were saying anything, man! The kid deserves to know!" Larry exclaimed, hands raised in defense, though a bead of sweat was present on his forehead. Edgeworth could definitely be scary if he wanted to be.

"And Wright, what the hell is wrong with you? How long have you known? And why did you decide it would be a brilliant idea to reveal it that loudly in front of all his friends and associates!?"

"Listen! I wasn't trying to say anything! You all were the ones grilling me when the topic came up! And… to answer the second question, I've known for a while."

"What about the first question, huh, Nick? You started this whole thing!"

Phoenix's jaw dropped. "I refuse to take the entire blame for this! Who's the drunkard that decided it'd be a good idea to tell him right when he walked in in front of everyone!"

"A drunkard? Is that what you think of me, Nick?" Larry suddenly grew teary-eyed, causing Phoenix to roll his eyes and groan in exasperation.

"Both of you need to stop. Neither of you responded to this situation with any sort of tact, drunk or not. I especially expected better of you, Wright."

Phoenix at least had the decency to look ashamed. "Wait, you're not comparing me to Larry, right?"

Edgeworth only gave him a pointed look before saying, "Larry, you're done drinking. Stop making advances on my sister, Ms. Fey, and every other female being present. Go sit in a corner and eat something. Wright… you need to say something to him. Alone."

"Oh god, it wasn't meant to be like this," Phoenix complained, running his hands through his hair in exasperation.

"Should have thought of that before you decided to open that big mouth of yours," Edgeworth said wryly.

Phoenix ignored him and continued, "I spoke to her earlier on the phone… I mean we both agreed that it was time to say something but it shouldn't be me, right?"

"You have no choice, Wright." Edgeworth gave him a look. "You'd be an ass if you didn't say anything at this point, frankly speaking."

"Thanks, Edgeworth, for calling me an ass, frankly speaking."

"Of course."

Phoenix made a mental note to get him back later, took a deep breath and exited the closet.

&.

"Phoenix Wright, you always fail to surprise me." Franziska, whip in hand, gave Phoenix a judging stare while he quietly hovered over the punch bowl to rethink his strategy.

"Not helping, Franziska. And you're not one to talk about hiding things."

"That may be, but I'm sure if it came down to knowing my own associate's birth parents and withholding that information despite knowing they are actively trying to—"

"Alright, thanks!" Phoenix interrupted, grabbing his cup of punch and hightailing it out of the kitchen. He cringed a bit at the taste, realizing he had spiked it too much. Oh well.

Apollo was on one of the couches, talking on his cellphone. "There's no way that's possible!" The area grew silent again, anticipating his next sentence. "… There's no way that I have over a two hundred clients!"

"Oh, god, this is too much," Athena remarked, facepalming.

"Apollo?" Phoenix shrugged on his coat, downing the rest of the over-spiked punch and throwing the cup into the trash. "Walk with me."

Apollo looked up from his phone, slightly bewildered at the request. "Uh, okay, Mr. Wright." He exchanged a quick goodbye with the person in his phone and followed after him, not at all noticing all the staring faces from inside.

"I almost feel bad for intruding on this defense squad drama," Klavier commented once the two were out of earshot.

"Oh my god, enough with your commentary," Ema replied annoyedly. "Anyway, if anyone wants to find me, I'll be hovering by the window that gives a convenient view of the parking lot." She left.

Everyone stared blankly for a moment before following after.

Back outside, Phoenix jingled his car keys in his pockets. "Alright, so I… do not have much time… to tell you… what I have to tell you."

Apollo silently followed after, not really seeing the direction in which this conversation was going.

"Just bear in mind that when I tell you… these things… that are bad things… that you hear… in your ears… This is something that I, if I were you, would want to hear…"

From inside the office, Maya cringed. "I can't hear what Nick's saying, but it can't be good. I think he's floundering."

"Uh, Mr. Wright. You're not making any sense."

"Is that so? Well… I'm not very articulate," Phoenix replied sheepishly, a hand reaching behind his head. "Today at least, so maybe I'll just leave it for another time… another day, perhaps. Oh look we're at the car!"

Phoenix opened the door and proceeded to sit inside, leaving Apollo still standing, confused.

"Um… alright, I guess?"

"I'm off!" Phoenix said right before he shut the door.

"See you later," Apollo said, deciding that he wouldn't question whatever it was that had just happened.

"Haha, I will!" Phoenix said from inside, voice muffled by the closed door and window. He started up the engine of the car. "Oh, and uh, Thalassa's your mom, so…"

"I can't hear you through the glass…" Apollo knocked lightly on the window.

Phoenix plugged in his seatbelt and rolled down the window. "Thalassa Gramarye's your biological mom, so. That's the news."

"What?" Apollo asked softly, not sure he heard him.

"Yeah, that's… all I've got. See ya later!" Phoenix rolled the window back up, backing out.

"Are you serious?" Apollo called out.

"Yep!" Phoenix called back, before slamming the gas until the car was out of sight.

Apollo looked back at the office window, only to find everyone staring back at him.

"Does Mr. Wright even have a license?"

"I'm pretty sure he doesn't."

* * *

i just finished playing spirit of justice and i was like whyyyy has phoenix not said anything EVERY SINGLE TIME THE SUBJECT OF APOLLO'S MOM COMES UP LIKE HE'S HAD SO MANY GODDAMN OPPORTUNITIES HE WAS IN THE ACTUAL ROOM WHEN APOLLO ASKED ABOUT IT GOOD GOD

and it got me thinking since phoenix wright is a known actual garbage loser he would probably break it in the worst way possible, reminding me of a particular scene from the office when michael has to break some important news to andy regarding his engagement.

this IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY, JUST A WARNING, CAUSE IF THIS REALLY HAPPENED IT WOULD BE TERRIBLE LMAO (also i'm sure there might be a few grammatical errors, if so just let me know!)

anyway enjoy! ALSO **PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU'RE GOING TO FAVORITE!** It would be VERY much appreciated!


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